I got another text from Fusion the night of the 'let's touch base' text which asked, on second thought what are you doing this weekend? Whomp. I wasn't sure what to say because I was still figuring out what I wanted to do so I just said I was busy with after holiday stuff. He said ok next week then.
By Saturday night I had written out and revised a text thirty times before sending it. It basically said I've been anxiously thinking about this and wanted to be be honest, I think we're lacking chemistry and I hope it's ok if we are friends.
His response? I feel 100% the same way.
I was right! I read him as well as myself and our interactions right. I suppose because of what I've been through and how I'm wired emotionally, I'm always doubting my feelings which only adds to the anxiety. So it was really great to find out I was on the right track and that he was totally cool about it. He even asked why I was so anxious because we'd only gone out a few times. It was a great reminder that other people do not think the way I do and don't feel like everything that happens to them is momentous, or at the very least don't always feel it at a vibrating 10 instead of a normal 3 or 4.
He was actually really great and said he thought I was pretty and nice and decided to keep trying because he sort of wanted the chemistry to be there. In the end though it was a relief because he thought I really liked him. Guess he wasn't as good at reading me.
At any rate, it was a positive experience all the way around even though it didn't work out and I feel a lot better about things.
That's not to say I've successfully kept the looming clouds at bay...they've obviously been encroaching and I've been up and down these past few weeks, but I haven't completely fallen off the edge. Baby steps. I still have to contend with my birthday.
5 comments:
i wish i had at least this much excitement in my life! congrats!-kay
How was your birthday? I wish things had worked out with Fusion, but at the very least, it was a positive experience -- like you said so yourself.
I wish -- and I really wish my wishes would come true -- that positive change is right around the corner for you.
I think you deserve it.
thanks kay! thanks ecrivain! birthday was pretty good this year- all the friends i needed to directly communicate with me did and i went to dinner with a few who definitely cheered me up. thanks for hoping for a positive change for me- i'm sure you know it means more to me than i can say. and not to just say it to respond in like, but i wish a positive change would come your way too. we've both been lingering on the other side for way too long- it's time for us. the wind has to blow in our favor at some point. :)
Wow, I feel like I was in the same situation at the beginning of November- except the guy didn't reciprocate. He still wanted to see me.
I was a stress case the entire time it was going on. The delete button was my best friend that evening. I eventually asked him to come over and ended it there.
I wish he said he felt 100% the same way too.
We are really great friends now.
But I guess it's nice to have that validation- the fact that I'm not desperate enough to settle for anything less than what I deserve (and I'm not saying I deserve the sun and moon, I just know that I deserve something good+realistic).
Happy new year to you by the way!
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