Saturday, October 21, 2006

Involuntary Virginity

Salon.com has finally found a label. Though I am not excusing my status as something happening to me instead of a kind of choice to not make sex a priority, I do believe much of this article speaks directly to me. Or rather, to non-virgins curious about how someone in their late 20s could still be a virgin and not totally f'ed up.

"The phenomenon of involuntary virgins, on the other hand, exists underground in liberal America, where sophisticated career women are supposed to have active sex lives and gyms offer pole dancing and stripping classes as a kind of aerobics."

I'm an underground phenomenon. Go me!

Involuntary virgins, on the other hand, may have missed that dating phase in high school (perhaps they were buried in their books) and probably missed it in college too, so once they enter the real world, one with more adults, they start to feel left behind...

Really could not have said this better. They also talk about performance anxiety which though I don't want to admit, plays into the situation.

"I remember thinking when I was in high school, 'Yeah if I had a boyfriend I would sleep with him,'" says Katie, a journalist in New York, who didn't lose her virginity until she was 28. "I thought when I got to college I would have this garden of eligible candidates to choose from. But people didn't really date. It was a hookup scene I was never really comfortable with."

Oh Katie. We would probably be good friends if we knew each other. My problem with the 'hookup scene' is that I didn't go out to get drunk and find lots of random frat boys cute enough to make out with. I wanted to, believe me, but being a) allergic to alcohol and b) uninterested in trying to fend off the cute, drunk frat boy when he wanted more than I was willing to give kind of put a damper on things. (*Note- the one time I did get enough alcohol in me to actually lessen the inhibitions, Jean pulled me away and we went home. On the one hand, in retrospect he was an asshole so it's one less asshole that I've made out with, but on the other hand, WTF? She denied me the chance to make out with an asshole. And it was just the beginning of what would be a disasterous friendship anyway. Uh.)

I'm pretty sure that the kind of guy I'm interested in won't be bothered by the fact though I still don't plan to tell him until afterwards. Not that he won't be able to guess...there are some things I'm pretty good at hiding, but I am not a good liar and if he's smart/sensitive enough he'll probably figure it out himself anyway.

So cheers to the new phenomenom!...or the once traditional prize-wife (ech) gone obsolete. Let's make a comeback girls! Though I do not recommend having your hymen replaced with plastic surgery partly because that's just not a healthy way to deal with your sexuality, but mostly because, well ew.

4 comments:

Hunter said...

Involuntary virgins, on the other hand, may have missed that dating phase in high school (perhaps they were buried in their books) and probably missed it in college too, so once they enter the real world, one with more adults, they start to feel left behind...

As a guy who lost his virginity late in the game, I have to admit there is a certain amount of irony to it. In high school, I focused on school to make sure I got the hell out of my town and didn't end up working in a mill, and in college, I focused on my studies to make sure I could get a good job. All those people who were constantly partying and screwing around seemed backwards to me. The next thing I knew, I was in grad school and I was the backwards one.

I'm pretty sure that the kind of guy I'm interested in won't be bothered by the fact though I still don't plan to tell him until afterwards.

When you find a guy who's truly interested in you, your status isn't going to bother him. Hiding it and not being able to trust him will, though.

Queen Vee said...

it's not so much that i'm going to lie as to just not tell. if the subject comes up and he asks i will definitely speak the truth. i'm the worst liar anyway so if i tried he'd see through it. i wonder if there is even a percentage of a chance that i'd meet and want to have sex with another virgin. hmmm. something like .00005 perhaps?

ehartsay said...

*shrugs* I think I win (sort of)
I am not only an (kind of) involuntary virgin, I am an involuntary asexual ;)

Anonymous said...

I've just read this article on Salon.com and I totally understand why you'd say that you don't want to tell your virgin status until after the fact. For those who didn't read the article, part of it dealt with multiple women who were rejected by guys for being virgins because adult virgins were considered weird or clingy. There was even a men's magazine article that warned guys off of dating virgins.

I also felt that this article was written directly to me. I'm recently turned 24 and kinda freaking out about my virgin status. I've never dated. The only sexual experience I've had is making out with a random guy on a dance floor.

It's hard because ideally I don't want to just sleep with someone and get it out of the way. I want to enjoy some sexual play and fool around and do all of that stuff that apparently everyone else was doing in high school before heading straight to intercourse. And I'd want to be with someone who would support that kind of play and exploration.

It's terribly annoying that each year that goes by makes this loss of virginity less likely. I can totally sympathize with you, Queen.

Good luck and good sex (hopefully)!