I need to stop reading other people's comments about their older virgin friends and how weird it is. Or worse, how disturbed they must be to still be a virgin after 30. Just because you don't do something everyone else does doesn't mean you are totally f**ked in the head. Ok yes, obviously I have some issues, thus the reason for starting this blog...I'd rather be an anonymous therapy patient than an actual one, but I'm not frigid nor a prude nor that messed up (I think. I'm not trying to make my issues bigger than they really are. I'm pretty sure they can be overcome.) And yes on the flip side of that, there are older virgins out there who are some or all of these things, but blanketing us all with the stigma is doing nothing for my insecurity about it.
I don't really see my virginity as something I'm hanging onto, because I'd gladly lose it if I could find someone I wanted to lose it to. And yes I hope it'll be someone I'm in love with, but at this point, I'll settle for someone I have chemistry with and who makes me feel comfortable (which I have to say again is odd that I haven't come across someone like this. I'd say I was comfortable with myself and my body, so I don't think that's the issue. Am I mixing up comfort with safety? If so, why am I so obsessed with feeling safe?) I'm only afraid of sex so far as I've never done it so I don't want to look like a total ass when I do do it (and of course the whole getting pregnant thing. And yes I have heard there's no really right way to do things, it just kind of happens. It's of no consolation to someone who's never been even close to it almost kind of sort of happening.)
Older men seem to flock to me (perhaps because I don't view them as threatening in any way and am myself and comfortable around them) but the ones my age are either scared of me or assume I already have a boyfriend or I don't know what. But all of these things combined have left me in an inexperienced state both mentally and physically when it comes to men. And YES I'm going to blame my mother yet again for all her anti-men type messages growing up which lead to my eventual avoidance of the whole relationship situation. The situation that everyone and their uncle seems to not only have experienced, but experienced many times with many people in many ways.
All I know is, if you met me on the street you'd probably think I was just another NYC chick with a string of broken hearts (not a self-description) behind her. If after getting to know me a little better, outside of romantic relationship revelations, would you suddenly think I was mental if you somehow found out I was a virgin? Everyone has issues. This is just mine.
I don't know why I'm trying to justify my normalness. It only enables the stereo-typers to raise their eyebrows and nod their heads. Considering this blog is pretty much a one sided conversation, maybe I'm just trying to convince myself I'm not a lost cause.
Maybe one day I'll even figure out how to help me help myself.
5 comments:
Hello,
I've been reading your blog for some time, and I certainly don't think you're a lost cause.
Personally speaking, I would be delighted to meet someone like you, who seems to be very intelligent, articulate, and extremely insightful. A guy would have to be crazy to think you're mental if he found out you were a virgin.
So, chin up! ;-)
I go through the same thing, and I've still got plenty of time. But I also know that I do have a lot of "issues" that add up to me remaining a virgin. . . but still. . . So what? You know.
fred- thanks! i suspect that the more civilized guys out there would find it nice as opposed to weird. you have confirmed my suspicions. :) and thanks for the compliments. most of the time i think i must sound like a complete emotional idiot so it's nice to hear at least one person disagrees.
lily- most of the time i think exactly that. so what? but then that ever present question of but why? makes a pest of itself and sends me into over analytical boring land for a while. lucky for you guys this blog is the product of that. :)
issues, tissues... we've all got issues. but i feel ya...
I agree with Fred, you're not a lost cause. A guy would get more freaked out about finding out you've slept with a bunch of guys than with finding out you're a virgin. It's good to know that not every girl is a...what's socially acceptable these days...slut?
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