Last One Standing Still

The Lake House looks like another ridiculously cheesy, predictable yet still depressing romantic drama, and I will have to see it. I’m drawn to these stupid flicks like a moth to flame. Aside from liking Sandra and liking to look at Keanu, this movie has nothing to offer me but a contradicting eye-rolling, heart wrenching cry fest about a love that could never be. Why do I bother?

Sometimes I think I do it because I don’t have any of that kind of drama in my life. I don't know if I could handle it. I've put up so many walls, I might explode if someone else's feeling got in and mixed with the insanity of my own. God that sounds pathetic. Not only because I purposely built my life free of as much drama as I could, but also because who the hell has to experience emotion through film because they can’t do it in reality?

I'm a vicarious whore.

Every once in a while I find myself playing the “Am I The Only Virgin In The Room?” game, the details of which are fairly obvious. Most of the time, the answer is yes. A decidedly definitive Yes after all my assumptions are made based on the physical appearance and body language of whoever is unknowingly a player, of course. After hearing of my cousin’s proposal, it occurred to me that I am the only virgin left in the entire family barring my nieces, both under ten. There is a possibility of one other cousin holding the V card, but I think that has more to do with being a good Catholic.

Not that it really matters. It just brings me back to my original question of what’s my problem? Why am I such a mental freak? Why do I have to think so much? If thoughts were horses, I'd be arrested for posthumous animal abuse.

A guy I used to work with called me today to tell me he found Jesus. He called to tell me that news specifically and that he was telling all his friends. I said, “I assume that means you are a happier man?” He said, “Well no, but I am calmer and a lot less angry.” He didn’t say anything else about it.

I didn’t ask.

After I thought about it I was a little sad that the answer to my question wasn’t yes. Maybe his life has changed for the good but he's still just realistically dealing with all the hardships. We all know belief doesn’t magically absolve problems, I was just hoping they'd weigh a little less. For many religious leaf turners I suppose that's exactly what happens. That switch is hit and boom- their life is changed.

Then there are people who have horrible accidents or illnesses and suddenly they are able to take life by the balls and appreciate it. I'm not really in the market to experience a religious transformation, nor do I want to have a near-death experience...but I still want the pay off. I want that switch to be hit. I try to appreciate life the best I can, but I still hope to have a moment where a light goes on somewhere inside and the fog clears. Even if it’s just about one small issue.

For too long I’ve been at a standstill.