1 (+1?) = :)

A fabulous woman left me a comment on my last post that actually brightened my day.

“What I am convinced of, is that most people are not strong enough to see the world from their own point of view. What I mean is, most people would rather be part of a couple (even if it is a disfunctional one) rather than being alone and "waiting" for that magic bullet.”
-scribe la

I completely agree with that and reading it reminded me that I am not one of most people. I’m pretty sure it would kill me to be in a relationship that didn’t make me happy. (My friendship with Jean almost crushed me, I cannot imagine what it would have done if it had been romantic too.) I realize all relationships have ups and downs, but I’d like to believe the best ones have more ups than downs. If that is too naïve, well then let me suffer happily alone believing it.

Let me say again that though I would like to be with someone, I'm ok on my own. What sometimes worries me about actually ending up with someone, is that my world-view, my independence is like an invisible force field that keeps men at bay. I have only been approached by a small number of guys, many of whom were drunk, and I suppose I could chalk it up to not being very social, being shy in large crowds especially around men, the whole body language thing, freaking out if friends every try to set me up with friends, etc. etc. etc. (I’m not painting a very good picture of myself, I’m actually quite outgoing and fun around people I know) but I think my independence plays a part. Maybe moreso in my own mind than in the minds of guys. I don’t know. Maybe I’m afraid I’ll have to lose some of it in order to become part of a couple?

It makes sense that relationships are about compromise, if you agreed about everything it would get kind of boring…I imagine, but how do you know exactly what is compromise-able? I suppose that’s just something else that naturally occurs and is either good or bad for the couple. It’s all so daunting to think about and that’s my biggest problem. I think too much. Perhaps it’s just that I value my time alone more than trying to find someone who won’t take it from me, or at least someone who I don’t mind taking it from me.

Or maybe I’m actually happy being single and am just lamenting and confused because everyone and their mother expects me to be with someone, married and popping out babies by now. I found a great website I’m adding to my links. This site makes me feel pretty good. I shall embrace my newfound quirkyalone’ness ‘cause it’s not a bad thing. Actually, it’s pretty cool.