Question for you shy guys out there, and by shy I mean capable of holding eye contact with a woman and able to contribute to small talk, but sort of keeps to himself and not one to start a conversation or try to make eye contact first.
If there was a woman in your yoga class who usually smiled and said good morning to you and who when she noticed the day you cut your very long hair very short she immediately said I like it! before even saying hello, would you think she was interested in you? She talks a little to a couple others but mostly keeps to herself.
I'm not sure what else to do aside from just asking point blank if he'd like to get coffee one day after class. But I keep stopping myself for many, many reasons I won't bother to go into because you can probably guess. I don't know if he's got a girlfriend, I'm tempted to say of course he does because he's cute, and I have no idea if he's age appropriate for me because he looks young, but I'm drawn to his quiet, non-aggressive energy. It's actually pretty telling because physically he's not the type I go for at all: full beard, muscular chest, long hair though that's gone now- he skews very masculine but without any machismo!! At least, from the very limited exchanges I've had with him.
Give me some small talk to start a conversation with him! I don't know what to say to find out the essentials: girlfriend? how old? what he does for a living? does he like it?
Or at least tell me what I should say to let him know I'm interested and the ball is in his court?
I'm so not the type to freak out if he's not interested and I want to tell him that so if he isn't he doesn't have to feel awkward coming to class. (I'm content to just look at his ass. What? A girl can't look at a guy's ass? That's sexist!) But how do you get that across without sounding like you're just looking for a good time?
aiee.
And then I just found out that an old co-worker of mine is getting divorced. He's age appropriate and a genuinely great guy. I can't say I've never wondered what it would be like to be with him, not in a sexual way (usually my problem), but as his girlfriend in a relationship that went deeper than office gossip. I don't know that I'm attracted to him…but I feel like he could be someone I could try with because I like him so much as a person. Then again, I'd HATE myself if I ended up not feeling any chemistry and then had to hurt him in any way.
I should say this line of thinking isn't coming from left field. It's been quite a while since we saw each other and he sent me an email last week just to say hi and casually mentioned maybe getting together to catch up. I thought he was married so it seemed all fine and good but now knowing that he's single it puts another layer on it. I ended up stopping by his office and that's when he told me face to face that he and the wife "split" also in a sort of casual manner in the course of our conversation. Thus, the thinking.
gaaaa.
Yogajoe is a better first try I think…so shy guys, help me out! :)
If there was a woman in your yoga class who usually smiled and said good morning to you and who when she noticed the day you cut your very long hair very short she immediately said I like it! before even saying hello, would you think she was interested in you? She talks a little to a couple others but mostly keeps to herself.
I'm not sure what else to do aside from just asking point blank if he'd like to get coffee one day after class. But I keep stopping myself for many, many reasons I won't bother to go into because you can probably guess. I don't know if he's got a girlfriend, I'm tempted to say of course he does because he's cute, and I have no idea if he's age appropriate for me because he looks young, but I'm drawn to his quiet, non-aggressive energy. It's actually pretty telling because physically he's not the type I go for at all: full beard, muscular chest, long hair though that's gone now- he skews very masculine but without any machismo!! At least, from the very limited exchanges I've had with him.
Give me some small talk to start a conversation with him! I don't know what to say to find out the essentials: girlfriend? how old? what he does for a living? does he like it?
Or at least tell me what I should say to let him know I'm interested and the ball is in his court?
I'm so not the type to freak out if he's not interested and I want to tell him that so if he isn't he doesn't have to feel awkward coming to class. (I'm content to just look at his ass. What? A girl can't look at a guy's ass? That's sexist!) But how do you get that across without sounding like you're just looking for a good time?
aiee.
And then I just found out that an old co-worker of mine is getting divorced. He's age appropriate and a genuinely great guy. I can't say I've never wondered what it would be like to be with him, not in a sexual way (usually my problem), but as his girlfriend in a relationship that went deeper than office gossip. I don't know that I'm attracted to him…but I feel like he could be someone I could try with because I like him so much as a person. Then again, I'd HATE myself if I ended up not feeling any chemistry and then had to hurt him in any way.
I should say this line of thinking isn't coming from left field. It's been quite a while since we saw each other and he sent me an email last week just to say hi and casually mentioned maybe getting together to catch up. I thought he was married so it seemed all fine and good but now knowing that he's single it puts another layer on it. I ended up stopping by his office and that's when he told me face to face that he and the wife "split" also in a sort of casual manner in the course of our conversation. Thus, the thinking.
gaaaa.
Yogajoe is a better first try I think…so shy guys, help me out! :)
6 comments:
Probably best to stay away from the divorcee, at least for now. The worst thing would be to start something only for him not to see you as anything but a rebound fling. :-/
As for yoga guy, the haircut would've been the perfect starter point for getting background info, like asking if he's started a new job (as some jobs have grooming specifications) recently? Or asking if the girlfriend got sick of the long locks?
Age is a little bit harder to infer; try making a throwaway comment about how it was easier to stretch like this when you were in your (insert age you think he is, late 20s etc) and see how he reacts.
For seeing if he's interested, try asking if he knows any good post-workout smoothie or juice bars nearby. Best case scenario, he takes you there. ;-)
It's tricky. For girlfriend just try something like 'does your girlfriend do yoga to?' or maybe something like 'oh x looked really cool, i didn't get to go, did you and your girlfriend go?' that should sort that one pretty quick. As for age try a hall mark like 'I went to college at x, man those were the days! Seems a long time ago now.......where/when did you go to college?'
That's about all I've got, girlfriend is likely easier then age I'd say.
Either way have fun observing his form in yoga ;)
Vanessa
Anon- I know! The haircut compliment flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself which was good, but it was literally RIGHT before class started so I couldn't say anything else. Thanks for the advice!
Thanks Vanessa, I definitely thought about asking if his girlfriend does yoga too, seems the most natural thing to ask in the setting. I think I probably just have to stop thinking so hard about it. :)
As a adult shy guy myself. I find it refreshing to know that a woman is bold enough to make the 1st move. I wish more women were like that. I say ask him out for that cup of coffee. What's the worse he can say, No?
To answer your question of whether he would know that you are interested: he might be completely clueless. Some people are good at reading those signs, but other people, especially some guys, totally don't pick up on things like that. You'd be amazed at how clueless some people can be. I used to be one of those!
I think that asking about somebody's weekend can be a good way to get an insight into their lives. If it's Thursday or Friday, ask what they're up to at the weekend. If it's Monday or Tuesday, ask how their weekend was. Maybe he'll mention a partner, or maybe just say "we" rather than "I". Then again, maybe he'll say that he's spending a load of time doing something solitary-sounding. Either way it could give clues and will also help you to get to know him better.
Some shy guys hope for women to make the first move and do not want the ball to be "left in their court", so if he's one of those then there may be no way to coax him into asking you out. /if you ask him out then I imagine that he would like it and be flattered, whether he's available or not!
Thanks guys! I guess my problem is I don't want to make him uncomfortable if he isn't interested. But I guess I really shouldn't worry about that because I'm denying myself the chance if he IS.
Why can't everyone just wear a crystal necklace that lights up if someone they are interested in comes near them? :)
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