(Not) Hopeless in NYC

"She was 34 years old, we had all given up on her. Like there was no hope, you know," this next part was carefully whispered so no one could hear,"'cuz she was a virgin."

This, said to me by my co-worker friend who is just as single without prospects as I am as we had once again got on the subject of being single, made me want to simultaneously disappear and nonchalantly sit back in my chair and say, "what makes you think I'm not?" Instead I went very still, as I always do when someone says the word virgin like it's a bad thing, and nodded dumbly doing all virgins everywhere a disservice.

I wanted to say, you know you've had sex and now you're older than 34 and still single. That woman is now married with a kid. Why is there hope for you and not her? And seriously, why do you think I'm not? Every story I've ever told you has been chaste and even after all the stories you've told me about your sex life I've never once reciprocated. Two and two? No? Too weird to think a normal woman you call your friend could possibly be a virgin?

Ok then.

I'm glad I didn't tell her as I wanted to a few months ago. That's not to say she would treat me differently, I actually think she's a really great friend and this newsflash wouldn't change what she thinks of me (at least on a personal front. She may think I'm repressed or something because most people who have had sex can't understand that not having sex doesn't automatically mean you're repressed), but this just shows what she's really thinking. I'm not mad at her or anything I'm just tired of being made to feel hopeless or weird about it because left to my own devices it would never be a factor. Who cares how much or how little sex someone has unless you are that person? Sex is not a biological need as some believe. We do not die from not having sex. We may die out, but we don't die from its absence like we do food and water. Of course we can suffer detrimental psychological effects but so can an internet addict who is forced to go without internet access. It's all about connection yes but people use many ways to connect, sex is not the definitive form. Obviously there are people in everyone's life who they connect with and at the very same time don't have sex with. Why is that so hard for people to remember?

On the other hand it's nice to know a 34 year old virgin met and got married in this godforsaken city after years of looking and being labeled hopeless by her friends.