(Not) Hopeless in NYC

"She was 34 years old, we had all given up on her. Like there was no hope, you know," this next part was carefully whispered so no one could hear,"'cuz she was a virgin."

This, said to me by my co-worker friend who is just as single without prospects as I am as we had once again got on the subject of being single, made me want to simultaneously disappear and nonchalantly sit back in my chair and say, "what makes you think I'm not?" Instead I went very still, as I always do when someone says the word virgin like it's a bad thing, and nodded dumbly doing all virgins everywhere a disservice.

I wanted to say, you know you've had sex and now you're older than 34 and still single. That woman is now married with a kid. Why is there hope for you and not her? And seriously, why do you think I'm not? Every story I've ever told you has been chaste and even after all the stories you've told me about your sex life I've never once reciprocated. Two and two? No? Too weird to think a normal woman you call your friend could possibly be a virgin?

Ok then.

I'm glad I didn't tell her as I wanted to a few months ago. That's not to say she would treat me differently, I actually think she's a really great friend and this newsflash wouldn't change what she thinks of me (at least on a personal front. She may think I'm repressed or something because most people who have had sex can't understand that not having sex doesn't automatically mean you're repressed), but this just shows what she's really thinking. I'm not mad at her or anything I'm just tired of being made to feel hopeless or weird about it because left to my own devices it would never be a factor. Who cares how much or how little sex someone has unless you are that person? Sex is not a biological need as some believe. We do not die from not having sex. We may die out, but we don't die from its absence like we do food and water. Of course we can suffer detrimental psychological effects but so can an internet addict who is forced to go without internet access. It's all about connection yes but people use many ways to connect, sex is not the definitive form. Obviously there are people in everyone's life who they connect with and at the very same time don't have sex with. Why is that so hard for people to remember?

On the other hand it's nice to know a 34 year old virgin met and got married in this godforsaken city after years of looking and being labeled hopeless by her friends. 

I Could Write The Book On That...

So I was reading articles on the internet today, as I tend to do at work, and I came across a plug for this book:

I was interested of course and immediately bought the book for a number of reasons. 1 because yay a memoir not filled with glamorous life adventures of travel and sex, or cutthroat careers and sex, or weird upbringings and sex- no, this was clearly someone I could identify with rather than just admire for having/surviving a life that would make an awesome movie. 2 because I wanted to see how she represented herself and how she managed to become an adult without having a romantic, let alone sexual relationship. I'm only a few pages in but what I've gleaned so far is she's got a good sense of humor which lends a hand to her not wallowing in self-pity and that she's only 25. What I'm interested in though is the part where she does get serious, because you know a book like this will have to at some point.

25. 

I know some of my readers are that age or even younger and struggle with being a virgin and single their whole lives due to the ridiculous expectation to be sexually active by 18...but to me at this point it seems so young. 

They way she begins the book is cute and much the same way I could start my own- being in love with a boy at 7. I'm only up to her being 12 but the major difference I can see so far is that she was absolutely boy crazy. I never was. I liked boys don't get me wrong, but I didn't hang pictures up anywhere of teen celebs or obsess over what it would be like to be married to them or any boy for that matter. Weirdly I had "boyfriends" all through grammar school but once puberty hit and hand holding wasn't enough I freaked out and shut down.

Then I thought, well if she could write a book about still being single at 25, I could write one about still being single at 36. Then I thought, so could everyone on my blog roll. We should all write a book. Maybe a collection of short memoir stories about our own experiences. I would read that. 

Of course I may be biased.

But it's an idea.

I have to go read more to see how this book plays out. I'm crossing my fingers it keeps us all in a good light.