Last night was the closest thing to a date I've had in a long, loooong time. But technically speaking it was not a date, nor did I attend it that way.
Remember the ex-coworker I asked out over email? Well he contacted me again in that friendly how have you been way that is just so suggestive of interest! I told him I was doing well and really loving working for myself and he replied that he was thinking about heading down that route and he'd love to maybe get together and ask me a million questions.
So last night we met up over dinner in the village.
He's still cute. And also still 10 years younger. Sigh. Anyway, I surprised myself by not being nervous in the slightest. I did tell myself though the entire time between when he suggested getting together and when we met that it was not a date, it was simply a casual get together to chat about work. I gave him a hug and a greeting kiss on the cheek when we met, since I do that a lot with people (male and female) I haven't seen in a long time. We sat down and since he still works at the company we had a lot to catch up on. It sounds as if he's exactly where I was before I quit. It's so sad because this company has such potential to be a really exciting, fun, creative place to work, but because the higher ups are all egomaniacal ass hats who care more about enforcing their own opinions than the actual output of work none of the worker bees have a chance to really flourish.
Anyway, it was comfortable and fun to talk with him, though I think I probably did a lot of the talking for once, and when we were done and standing outside the restaurant he asked what I was doing next. Because I am not a fast thinker on my feet I just told the truth, I was going home. I know many of you are shaking your head- this was the perfect place to flirt or even ask if he wanted to get a drink or dessert, but I just wasn't sure. If he had proposed it, I would have said yes. He mentioned a place that had great Philly cheese steaks down the block (which was clearly not an ask to extend our time together as we had just finished a huge dinner) to which I unveiled my non-red meat or dairy diet. Debbie Downer much? He seemed so excited about it...
Then he walked me to my subway and I gave him another hug, but this time without the goodbye cheek kiss- However, he gave me one. I don't know why but I always do that. If someone doesn't also kiss me in greeting, I feel weird about it and I don't do it again during the goodbye. But 9 out of 10 times I will get the goodbye kiss and so I feel like an ass for not. Oh social customs and self-confidence, can't you just stick to one method and go with it?
Overall it was a really nice night out, maybe more so because I didn't feel the pressure of being on an actual date, but in the end it makes me sad that I'm not out on the town more, with a male of course. Shocking.
I'm not sure how he felt about the whole thing- I mean I think he had a nice time, but I wonder if that ask about what I was doing next had some subtext to it. It's only natural I suppose. I don't know if he's still seeing the girl he was seeing when I asked him out. We didn't venture into that area and I was not about to ask. I'm fighting a bit of an internal war about how young he is and if I want to attempt to start anything since we're at such different stages in our lives.
But I will say yes if he does contact me again and asks to go on a proper date.
4 comments:
It's nice to see you had a good time but you shouldn't get romantically involved with a guy who's 10 years younger...far to big a gap. You are probably experiencing infatuation and quite frankly, desperation (sorry). The odds of such a relationship lasting is not good and the last thing you need is someone who will use you for sex for a while and then dump you which is what most significantly younger guys are thinking when they go for older women.
But if you are both willing to "use" each other for a while and keep things casual that's fine but I don't think as a virgin you're willing to do that...nor should you.
It would certainly be OK to go on these friendly dates with him to get more comfortable socializing with males so long as you make him realize that you're only willing to be friends
sorry if I sounded blunt...no point in sugar coating
This is super interesting to me because I'm heading on a somewhatdateishthing too with a former crush in a few days.
I do feel like I'll be as relaxed as you are but I'm a little confused as to why you didn't prolong the evening? Were you intimidated or did you just not feel like it?
As for the age, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It really is just a number. I know 30 year olds that act like 19 year olds and 21 year olds that have the inner workings of 40 year olds. You just have to try to get over the idea that maturity is something we can stick a number on because it's never so black and white as that.
anonymous- I wouldn't say I was infatuated or desperate as you so bluntly say. If I was I'd be in a sleepless cloud of anxiety right now, worrying about if he likes me and I would have tried a lot harder to flirt with him, despite my lacking skill. 'if he asked I'd say yes' is quite blasé for desperate.
I actually think a mutual 'using for sex' situation would be good for me as long as I was CERTAIN all he wanted was sex. But I'm not sure I could ever initiate something like that.
G/W- I just wasn't sure what he was thinking and I didn't want to be the one to try to direct us into that territory. He already knows I think he's cute and am open to the idea, the ball is in his court so to speak. As for the age difference, I'm not concerned with the difference so much as his being young. Most guys I know his age are not yet looking for the one they want to marry and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just I've been burned before so it's hard to approach the flame again.
Yes, but maybe it's not that important as that- you don't know if you want to be married to him either. I've seen a lot of guys hitched before they've hit 25. Don't let your inhibitions stop you exploring new possibilities. Okay, maybe you'll bleed but, like you said, you've bled before and you survived. I don't mean to be dramatic, I just don't think you should let yourself miss out by putting your guard up.
Also, I totally disagree with anon.
"But if you are both willing to 'use' each other for a while and keep things casual that's fine but I don't think as a virgin you're willing to do that...nor should you."
I'm sorry, but is there a particular way that virgins should act or feel? If so, can you forward the hand book to my address please? I'm in need of it.
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