Seriously?
Can I just get a date?
I know it may sound like I'm coming on strong but I swear I'm not. Aggressive is the last thing I know how to be so I don't get it.
I also realize that now that I'm finally ready both intellectually and emotionally to date doesn't mean it's going to happen this instant. But I mean, come on! Both of the guys I asked sent me either a subtle or a literal message they were interested, or at least liked me in some way.
I know I know. Patience grasshopper. I've got to be honest, it's not my strong suit. Lately I pretty much want to ask every guy I think is cute on the street if he wants to go for coffee.
Now that's a little desperate with a touch of aggressive. Especially considering I don't even drink coffee.
3 comments:
That's happened with me before, too -- and honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Sometimes, they indicate interest because they are, but they're also looking at a couple of other girls at the same time or even already starting to date someone...so lack of response -- especially via dating sites -- is sort of part and parcel with that territory.
I know what you mean about needing to be patient, though -- when I decided to get serious about getting out there and doing online dating, I expected to have a boyfriend by now...so, I guess I'm the horror story here of what happens when things don't pan out.
If you want to just go on a date, the next time you are out, if a man is looking at you, smile at him and look at him for at least 3 seconds. If he returns the smile and asks you out, then this is the level of attractive man you will be able to date. If not, you are probably asking out men that don't find you attractive enough to date. For men, it comes down to looks first. Also, wear something that's form fitting and shows your legs. This may sound sexist/harsh, but this is what 95% of men respond to, and you're going to have to get into that mode of thinking if you want to date.
Hi there,
I just stumbled onto your blog and was sucked into it immediately. I am struck by how similar our situations are and I just wanted to offer some words of encouragement.
I am 36 years old, also living in New York, and up until 4 years ago I was also a virgin and had very limited dating experience.
Just like you, I didn’t choose to be a virgin for moral reasons. I am also not hideously ugly or socially inept, although I am quite shy around new people. My friends and family also told me that I was giving off "uninterested signals" and that I didn’t “put myself out there” enough. I was completely ashamed of my virginity (it was a complete secret to everyone but my mom and my best friend – I even made up elaborate stories to hide it).
The older I got the more resigned I became to the idea of spending the rest of my life alone. I convinced myself that not only would I never meet anyone, but that even if I did meet someone I would have to sabotage the relationship before he discovered that I was a virgin (how embarrassing!).
Well, as I said before, I’m now 36 (almost 37!)… and I’m very happily married. I met my husband 4 years ago at work (after trying, and failing, at online dating). As I got to know him something just clicked in me. I wasn't paralyzed by fears or overly critical as a defense mechanism as I had been in the past. I actually pursued him, which was a first for me. And once we started dating, I just let things fall into place without analyzing and second guessing every little thing. We got married in April and we’re hoping to start a family soon. I feel so lucky to have finally found what I was looking for - a partner and best friend to take the journey with.
As I read your posts, I felt more and more compelled to offer some words of encouragement. You remind me so much of myself and if you are anything like me then your time and person will come, probably when you least except it (one piece of advice from well meaning friends that turned out to be true). In the meantime, keep writing this blog, in addition to being therapeutic for you, I’m sure it’s also helpful to lots of women out there to hear your voice and know that they’re not alone. Thank you!
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