"Well, I'm finally a real New Yorker. I have a therapist now!"
-QV
This is pretty much how I told my friends about my latest venture into the mess of my mental health. Only one said outright she knew something wasn't quite right with me, but probably never said anything because, well, what can you say? Why are you acting weird, but not in a constant, definable way? They all understood though and gave me props for taking the steps to try to help myself. A few of them felt bad about not being able to help which made me feel good and bad at the same time- good because they care, bad because that was not my intent upon telling them. How could they help when I hid it all from them?
I still don't like therapy, but it's a little easier now that I've gotten a handle on myself and my emotions. I'm not quite sure the latter is a good thing because I need to remember how to be emotional without breaking down, but at the moment I'm not involved in anything really emotionally driven (outside of work which is causing me frustration) to test it. I still feel awkward at times because I don't know what to say and I don't want to repeat myself every session. It actually makes me laugh to think in literal terms about how I'm basically shelling out a ton of money to someone to listen to me talk about myself for 45 minutes.
It's weird.
I decided to start taking medication. It's been three weeks and I have to say I think it is working. My irritation level has decreased and I think that because I started feeling better before I started the meds it's done its job to keep me from falling back into a depression. My last wedding was last weekend and I still feel pretty good. After the previous three weddings I felt sad and down on myself. It was a destination wedding which lasted three days- I met a ton of new people and was stuck in the position where I had to be social with a ton of new people every night...and I actually enjoyed it. I had fun all three nights, days too! I'm finally feeling little bits of my old self coming back.
In other news my decision to get over myself and stop making excuses has lead me to take a baby step and sign up for a dating site. I'm a little worried about the fact that the first group of guys interested in me are all over 40. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I just have a lower number as my cutoff and it sort of strikes me as either careless or desperate. Don't start yelling, I'm still looking at their profiles and checking them out, I'm just saying. A lot of the older guys I used to work with had puppy dog eyes for me too. Odd.
I did get one email that just said 'sexy as hell'. I'm not being sarcastic when I say it was nice to read, especially because none of my pictures have any element of sexiness to them. My question to you guys is, should I respond to the nice emails I get if I have no intention of continuing emailing? I'd like to say thanks, but I'm afraid it will it send the wrong message if I'm not interested in them. What should I do?
One last note of thanks to all of you who sent good comments and thoughts my way and who are pulling for me. It means more than I can say.
xo
QV
10 comments:
That's great that you've been feeling better. I am also toying with going back on something, more for anxiety than depression.
Funny, I just rejoined a site today. It's just a free one that i used to be on. I feel better because at least if it fails (again) I'm not paying for it. Honestly, I never respond to anyone I'm not interested in pursuing. I don't want to lead them on, plus, I could never come up with a polite way to say "thanks, but no thanks."
Glad to hear the meds seem to be working.
Do you dislike the therapy or do you dislike the therapist?
Don't bother responding to people you have no intention of continuing to email. Yes, it's flattering when they give you a compliment, but remember: they're online for the same reasons you are...hopefully to find someone you can date and maybe develop a relationship with. If they sent you a message, they're hoping you'll respond in kind because they're interested in you. If you send them a polite message to say "Thanks but no thanks" all you get to do is pat yourself on the back for being polite in return, but the reality is, it's better to not respond at all. And this is me speaking from being on the other side of the equation.
I say respond, saying "no thank you" as politely but as firmly as possible.... and if they write back again, then you can just ignore them.
It's so frustrating to write and have no idea what the problem is when I don't get an answer.... and the really nice guys don't want to be corresponding with a lot of girls at once, so they might actually be waiting.
And as a guy in an extremely similar situation (sex and viginity wise), trust me, I've had ladies in their 40s be interested in me since I was 25. I still don't get it. I suspect they see that people like us have "old souls".
Good luck.
Good to hear about your medication seeming to work! I hope that you continue to feel better. I think that online dating is a good idea for you. Even if you never meet a soul in person from the site, at least you'll have some male interaction. That's a very good thing! I would suggest responding to everyone that messages you. You never know when someone you don't think you'd be interested in continuing conversation with may just change your mind with something they say.
Best wishes for you! It sounds as though you're really ready to make these changes in your life and you're on a good path.
I am glad your okay. . .just take care of yourself more alright?god bless
i'm glad you're feeling better and that theraphy and the drugs are helping. sometimes you need these to get yourself back first before you can work on staying that way without all of that.
as for dating, you can give them a chance 'coz sometimes you never know. but if you think that you're really never gonna be interested in continuing to email then it's probably best not to lead them on. though i'm not sure bout those "sexy as hell" type of emails. usually strikes me as a player or a guy that's trying too hard.
Wow, I totally remember commenting on this yesterday. Ugh now I have to try to recall my insightful (hehe) comment.
My standard for guys who compliment me is to thank them and cut it off by walking away or ignoring further interactions. It works in almost in every scenario and has successfully helped me avoid embarrassment/humiliation/awkwardness/love.
And I am really happy that the medication and therapy is working out for you!
Just keep truckin :)
Hi!
I am glad to hear the help is working. I am in a similar situation. As soon as I have insurance i plan to find a psych. I also started online dating to force myself to get out of my shell. I find it at least helpful to 'practice dating'. I would say go out on dates even if you're not that interested. Not necessarily for the free perks or anything (even pay for your own stuff to avoid feeling guilty). I find that going out with guys that do not intimidate me give me positive date experiences that will help me on dates where I might be more interested. And who knows, maybe someone that you weren't interested in turns out to be a lot more attractive once you meet him.
I think more than just focusing on meeting someone truly special, take online dating as an opportunity to go out, meet guys, develop that side of you and learn to put less pressure on yourself when dealing with men.
Well, good luck!
Updates?
I keep seeing referrals from your blog in my site stats. I hope it's you and that you've updated but... no luck.
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