The Progressive Downfall of Professional Socialization

Or What Happens When Co-workes Go Out For Drinks Armed With A Corporate Card

1st round
Bitch session about how much everyone hates their lazy bosses

2nd round
Gossip about said bosses and how pathetic their lives must be to be so miserable at work

Half way through 2nd round
Gossip about said bosses and how pathetic their sex lives must be to be so miserable at work

3rd round
Gossip about who (non-present co-workers) is sleeping and who has slept with who

4rth round
Revelations about their own sex lives

5th round and beyond
No one really remembers but it was probably about sex

I don't go out for drinks that often so my co-workers seem to love it when I do. The whole being allergic to alcohol amazes them and they love to see me test my limits. Only when after I've had a little and I let them feel my heartbeat do they believe me I think. At least, that's when the 'omg are you ok?' sets in. One of the reasons I don't often go out is because it kind of sucks to watch everyone else get drunk while I only get to have one, immediately followed by a pounding headache and nausea if I don't chase it with two glasses of water.

Another reason, if not obvious already, is the inevitable conversation consumer. Sex, sex, sex. Is that all anyone ever thinks about? Oh right...even I do. I just can't contribute without feeling like a total ass because I totally don't know what I'm talking about. It's weird though, I've come to realize that while my not dishing about my sex life gives me a bit of mystery, the assumptions made are never that I'm a virgin. It's usually that I either just don't like to talk about my straight encounters or I'm a closeted lesbian. Never that I just don't have any experience to talk about, which is a good thing I think. I can only imagine their reactions: first the amazement (once I've convinced them I actually am a virgin) and then the set ups with the perfect guy(s). Or worse, the 'I don't know anyone who you could go out with because everyone I know is a whore'.

I was totally tempted to lie last night, and was preparing myself to spew it if the floor was given to me with the expectation of an answer, but my pauses and subject changes were subtle enough to avoid the spotlight. Plus it will probably keep them guessing should they actually remember it later. I was only up to one and a half by the time they hit five...The more I hang out with them though the more I know they're going to try to 'out' me or at least get me to spill about something sexual.

I told them I 'dated' Dennis though, which may tide them over for a while. Though I'm sure it'll come back to haunt me...again only if they remember I said it. I guess that's the good thing about the involvement of alcohol. What happens in lala land, stays in lala land. So what if it's only because they've lost too many memory brain cells?