Ready Point

Well...it finally happened. After all this time, waiting and wondering when the day would come, torturing myself with alternating thoughts of confidence and doubt...I finally got what I've been waiting for...a promotion!

What...did you think I meant sex? No, I didn't think so. You're too smart for that.

But for once the optomist in me gets to tell the cynic to take a flying leap. It's wonderful. Ok yes I can still complain about the fact that this company/these people has(ve) treated me with disrespect (for 3 out of the 4 years I've been employed by the greedy corporate regime), but the fact of the matter is I still earned this position based on my creative talent and my talent alone. I didn't kiss anyone's ass or constantly bother the higher ups with chatter about how great I am or with small talk for which I have no tolerance. I let my work speak for me and it feels fabulous to finally be recognized.

I know that in itself sounds pompous but I don't care. I'm proud for not giving up on myself as I have been prone to do in the past. And it's just the cherry on top that I overcame actually being held down by a boss. (Granted I use the term 'overcame' loosely as my boss became my ex-boss before I got promoted but whatever. I'm still taking credit. Side note: it's even more delicious because the VP is now aware that I was being held down.) God it's like a bad 80s movie about rising to the top...which is funny because I'm no where near the top. I've reached the place I want to be and for now...I feel a giant sense of relief. My whole life has been about what was next, what I needed to be working toward, who was keeping me from it. After I make the transition I'm actually wondering what I'll have to worry about. It's almost frightening.

My ambition is not great, I have no desire to be president or have people working for me. I just want to do what I do best and maybe get a pat on the back once in a while. This isn't to say I won't be moving on to bigger things eventually, but I've actually reached a career goal and if you couldn't tell I'm just a little awed by it.

As it turns out, the ex-boss has allegedly changed her tune about me as well. While never directly or outwardly negative towards me, her behind the scenes is coming to light. I have no contact with her anymore, but she came back to write up our reviews for the year and according to another co-worker on her level, she wrote me a rave review. My co-worker insisted that my ex-boss has turned a new leaf. I'm not so quick to imagine that's the case, my bruised ambition tends to believe she can't exactly not give me a rave review and come out looking like she doesn't have something against me.

But anyway after I let the news settle in, as well as controlled my urge to tell everyone I've ever met because it's not totally official yet, a thought passed through my mind:

Now I can start looking for a man.

Seriously. I heard it echo through my brain and then I actually laughed out loud. What an absurd thing to think. And yet I thought it. And if I'm actually honest with myself, I'd admit I meant it. Seriously.

So despite my amusement at my own roller coaster of emotions, could it be that maybe I have possibly, actually reached a potential ready point? Finally? Would it be so obvious as all that? Should I take it as a kind of sign that a few weeks ago I even wrote a song about reaching that ready point?

Do I dare dream?