It is a very odd thing to find out someone you don't think about anymore is thinking about you. I don't mean in terms of liking someone or having sex with them because we all know how often that happens. No I mean I found out my ex-boss was not as oblivious to my feelings about her as I once thought. I can't remember how much I've said about her aside from her presence being a blight on my existence, but here it is in a nutshell: When she became my boss I liked her a lot. She was very supportive and we got along great. I listened to her advice and believed her when she said she saw a lot of her in me and wanted to help me grow in the company. Slowly but surely I began to realize that her supportiveness was an act and that when I went to speak to her about any issues I had with her or the job (which by the by was not often) it went in one ear and out the other with a few words of encouragement that she'd look into it. Anyway, after she f'ed with my yearly review and was able to withhold a raise, lectured me on how to further my career by attending drunken company parties and had the mind to think I wouldn't notice when she instilled herself as the road block to me getting better projects (I find it hard to chalk it up to coincidence that this is no longer the case now that she's gone), it turned personal and I hate to admit ugly. But only for me because I never took any action against her, after all, my word against hers would never hold up in a court of HR. At any rate, I was always civil and kept things to the utmost professional degree, only speaking to her when absolutely necessary (which she actually found ways around- if there was something I needed to know she would tell someone else and have them tell me. Nice boss right?). My inability to kiss ass has gotten me absolutely nowhere.
I never asked for her support. Had she blatantly not given it to me I would have probably still hated her, but respected her nonetheless. The empty sisterly encouragement she did offer was just about the fastest way to bring out my bad side.
I knew she could feel the tension, but I always thought she attributed it to the fact that I was unhappy with having been passed over for promotion. Come to find out, she was actually more in tune with knowing I dislike her than I thought. However, she's still oblivious to why which is an attribute to her self-absorption.
Apparently, being true to her absolutely unprofessional behavior, while interviewing someone who knows me (professionally) for a job under her where she now works, I came up. As in, questions about how I'm doing and why I felt I wasn't getting anywhere and how others felt about working with me, were asked point blank. DURING SOMEONE ELSE'S INTERVIEW! It still completely boggles my mind that she would think that was anywhere near appropriate. But that aside, it blows my mind even further that she still cannot admit that her own superficial behavior and degrading treatment of me is the reason why I don't like her. She is clearly incredibly insecure about the fact that someone dislikes her but doesn't have enough self-reflection to realize her own part in it.
So that said, it is very weird to find out someone you don't think about anymore is still thinking about you. It's actually kind of empowering. After two years of filling my professional life with misery, my (no longer active) feelings about her eats her up! Wouldn't it twist the knife further if she knew I had all but forgotten her had it not been for finding this out? This is not something I want to take pleasure in, mind you, but you know what? F it. Revenge is best served cold.
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