Friends Before Lovers

I like to read through my horoscope every once in a while to see what the stars supposedly have in store for me. Sometimes it makes me chuckle to think that some poor soul believes the overly general readings that could apply to just about everyone, and almost every time it makes me laugh when I get to the romance section.

You're not the kind of person to let an opportunity slip through your fingers. On the 1st, if you see somebody on the street and get a good feeling in your gut -- a feeling that tells you this person could be important to your life -- don't forget that you're the kind of person who takes advantage of situations like these and asks for their phone number.
-ivillage

This is especially funny because not only I am not the "kind of person" who asks people for their number, I can barely give mine out when someone asks me. The very first time a guy asked me I became all awkward and strange and promised to promise nothing. God that's embarrassing. Who promises to promise nothing regarding a phone call? I definitely won't be winning the best flirt award.

I seem to find a lot more truths in Chinese astrology. That is, the readings given more closely resemble my personality. One thing that comes up over and over in different readings is the fact that I hold friendships higher than romantic relationships. This has been true since high school. Side note: probably even before then...when I was in grammar school I had a 3 best friends and different boyfriend every week. What the hell happened?

I guess that's why I have no relationship drama as baggage, but I have broken friendships that sometimes weigh me down despite my best efforts not to let them. For whatever reason, whatever reason out of my hundreds, I think I need to feel connected to a person on a certain level of a balanced friendship (or what I perceive as balanced- I've been wrong before), where both sides expect back only what they are willing to give. That may sound idealistic, possibly even unrealistic to a cynic, but I think I've found a pretty good place.

I don't have a ton of friends I see often, but the ones I have I will probably have for a long time. I say that but then thinking about the changing courses of life and how growing apart can be a natural progression, I realize I may not.

Joan Cusack has a great line in Friends With Money about if she had met Jennifer Aniston's character at that point in their lives, instead of when they were younger, she probably would not be friends with her. Like the vicarious ass that I am, I applied this to my own life and found that I cut loose a lot of those friends from my youth. Most of the people surrounding me now I met as an adult. Or a fledging one anyway.

Except my best friend from high school who I still talk to and try to see often. She doesn't live that far, but it's far enough that I can't go over whenever I feel like it. We've been friends through a lot, and I don't mean that the two of us have had a lot of drama between us. In fact, we've hardly ever had a fight. I suppose that's mostly because I don't like to fight and will avoid confrontation at all costs. But also, she knows this about me and never takes advantage of it.

So 13 years later, we still consider ourselves best friends, though I really hate that term, even after she moved across the country, got married, moved back...But now she's pregnant and I'm thrilled for her but I know things will change. I asked her in my snarky joking but half serious way if she thought we'd ever see each other after the baby was born. Most of the time when we see each other now it's because I go to her. She thought for a moment and said yes. I'm not so sure. I mean, she will always be my friend of course, but even good friends drift. It's always great when getting back together, but you get the picture.

Of course I want to be part of the baby's life, but hers is now a different path than the one I'm on. Not that I won't be able to go over there and stay like I've always done, but it won't be the same. Maybe that makes me selfish. Maybe I won't mind because it'll be so great to play with my pseudo-niece or nephew. I don't know. Maybe we will still be the same and I'm over thinking as I usually do.

All I do know is things are going to change, and despite craving change, when it involves friendships that I hold dear it makes me nervous. But like always I will go with the flow and enjoy or mourn wherever it takes me.