Dear Readers:
Do you ever get the feeling you are repeating yourself? I'm beginning to feel my blog is becoming just that. Different ways to state the obvious: I have issues with men, sex and relationships. In many ways I know why I do some of the things I do but feel powerless to change my behavior so therefore nothing changes. I have bouts of good and bad periods. The posts usually come when I've gone through or are going through a bad period. Case in point- I saw a guy today who I'm pretty sure likes me. I can pretend to be oblivious, but it was all in his body language. He is a friend of a friend and is extremely sweet. His demeanor is exactly what I'm always saying I want but doesn't exist in American men, totally proving that I'm an ass, and I should absolutely go for him.
But I'm not attracted to him.
And I hate myself for it.
This is why I don't date. I would drown in self-loathing before we ever made it to drinks.
But I won't bore you with more of that now. A new reader recently suggested I do a Q & A. I know I recently gave an interview but I figured I'd take my chances and see if there are any readers out there who do actually have questions they'd like to ask me. My sitemeter tells me I have readers from all over the world, but I don't know how many of you come back. I don't get a lot of comments or emails! Anyway, since I have nothing new to write, I thought you all could ask questions or even suggest things you'd like to hear me go on about. :)
I'm open to anything!
Comment or email me!
Love,
QV
6 comments:
so here's one =)
i think i've posted on my blog that even though i've technically had sex once, and i'm not so much scared of the actual act of sex anymore, i'm actually more scared about having to tell someone else that i'm not only not very experienced sexually, but also relationshiply (i know that's not a real word, but you know what i mean). to me, the worst thing in the world would be to say, "no, i've never been in a relationship. i've never had a real boyfriend." i can't even say that out loud to some of my closest friends. and on some level, i feel like i might be pushing away opportunities just so i don't have to face that humiliation.
what are you the most scared of when it comes to finding someone?
Hi QV,
Open to anything? How about this....
I think you should go on a date with this guy you just wrote about, the friend of a friend who is exactly what you're always saying you want in a man but not attracted to.
I think you should go and have a fun night out on the town with a good guy and not think to much about it.
Simple task.
Do it soon and write about it.
I dare you QV, I dare you to go on a date!
I know that this wasn't a question, but I don't think you've gone on a date recently, or have I forgotten a post....
LOL. I think that most of us in the blogosphere are feeling that...or maybe you and I are the only two who have been wondering about the exact same thing. (See my post today.)
I'll probably e-mail you about this later, but yeah, I often feel like I'm writing about the same stuff.
Interestingly...in response to what the anonymous poster wrote, I experienced the same thing that you did: interest from a guy that I wasn't attracted to. I went out with him -- do you know what this accomplished?
Confirmation that I wasn't attracted to this person.
Um, yeah. I'll definitely have to e-mail you about this because there's so much more I have to say on this matter.
Hi QV,
There are a few things I would like to know.
1. Have you tried internet dating? If so why did you stop? If not, what are you waiting for?
2. When walking down the street, what percentage of men fitting your general demographic (race, age, etc) do you find yourself attracted to? Trying to get a sense of how picky you are about looks. Furthermore, do you really think looks are everything?
3. Why havent you sought therapy for your issues? Ive had many dating related issues and this has helped me get through them. You state at the beginning of this blog post that you have issues with men, sex and relationships so why not work on them.
4. How many men have asked you out on dates that you have denied? I dont mean random idiots on the street but say people that you knew in one capacity or another.
5. What kind of work do you do?
I agree with everything that is mentioned above. I don't have a blog but I have been repeating the same patterns of negative thoughts and behaviors over and over for at least the last 10 years... Basically been dreading sex, fearing men and hating myself. I think that is the cause and at some point was the consequence of our my bad experiences and the lack of interest from men. At least in my case, I feel i just carry it out everywhere and guys can smell it.
I also think of getting help. I need to start dealing with this before it consumes my youth. I am not unhappy at this point in my life. Like lots of people in this blog I have learned to be ok as a loner. I am used to the explanations, the questions and the invitations for 1. It's gotten to the point I don't even talk about it with my friends anymore because it's always a given. If I complain they just won't know what to tell me.
I also experience that situation of having someone be interested in you and knowing you dont like them that way. I also think its a waste of time. I hardly take any chances. Probably the reason why I have never had a successful story.
I think you should just go out on a date. You might be surprised or not. You might think its not likely that anything will stem out of it but... what if it does??? if there is some sort of compatibility with you, give it a shot for a change.
Why, oh why, does everyone and his dog think that internet dating is the answer to all our troubles?!?!?
That was both a rhetorical and an actual question by the way!
As far as I'm concerned, the thing that switches 'on' or 'off' is something you can only figure out if you meet in person, so how is the internet going to help. Besides, I find it virtually impossible to get across who I am in one of those 'describe yourself' questionnaires. When I did do one, the best match they came up with for me was a plumber from a very deprived part of the country, who left school at 16, has no qualifications, and enjoys rap. This for a girl with multiple higher degrees, an affinity for classical music and jazz, a 'posh' accent, and a definite preference for the nicer things in life... the word 'mismatch' comes to mind...
That said, I agree with your first anonymous comment about the potential humiliation thing - that's one of my greatest fears also, and think she's asked a very good question. I'd also like to know what your top three criteria for an attractive man are? Can be physical, character, whatever you focus most on.
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