Brain on Fire

Luckily I've been so busy it hasn't dragged me down, but a lot has been going through my mind lately. It must be due to the book I'm ready about this 40 year old guy so isolated by his own defense mechanisms it took him almost 8 years of therapy to break out of them. I identify with a lot of his thought processes and it is freaking me out. Of course, he suffered abuse as a child and I did not - but that makes it even weirder. More on this when I finish the book.

Then I read an article about "the introvert". This article could have been written about me. The only difference between me and the woman in the article is I was not pathologically shy as a child (or have ever been divorced obviously).

"Matsuoka...is open to romantic relationships, but "whomever I'm with must know that at least one day a week I need to lock myself in my room and stick feathers on a sculpture," she warns."

My bff makes fun of me because I won't visit her on Sundays. Sundays are queenvee days. Lately it's actually been more than just Sundays because I have a lot of art/music projects going on and with being a slave to corporate America in order to live, there's never enough time. I have to have time away from work and people in order to clear my mind and create.

Anyway, it was nice to read something that validates instead of pities the way I live. Social interaction, though not hard for me, is a definite drain. I don't really enjoy being around a lot of people at once- I don't like having to make small talk which means I usually get pushed to the periphery for not participating which I also dislike. And it's not like I want the attention of the room either- there is a time and place for that. I'd just rather be with one or two friends chatting or doing whatever it is we do to entertain ourselves. I feel a little guilty because I told a lie to get out of a bachelorette party this weekend. It was after the shower which I did attend, but I knew I'd never last through an evening of bar hopping with girls I'd really just met. And I didn't want my friend to feel bad that I wasn't having fun so I came home. No harm, no foul and I got a little extra time for my latest art project.

Anyway, the weddings begin in two weeks. Come what may!

PS. There is someone I'm interested in, but until I see him again and find out if he might be interested in me mum's the word. I don't really know him (met him once and have heard things about him from mutual friends) but I can't stop thinking about him. It's making me feel like I'm 14 years old. Gaaah.