Well, well 2012, better late than never, no? I've been waiting patiently for you for ages. I know you've got lots of things, good things, hidden in the months of your year and I can't wait for them. You're like my life's Santa Claus and I've been a very, very good girl so shower me with gifts dammit. I deserve it.
About six months ago I quit a job with a company I had been with for eight and a half years. I worked my way up through the ranks at a painfully slow rate comparatively speaking to some of my (i'm going to say it please don't cringe) male counterparts. Despite being constantly told how talented and valuable I was, I watched two male co-workers come from behind me and get promoted above me, one right after the other. I work in a male dominated field (which is allegedly changing) but as far as my career goes I have always been at most one of two women in the department. My lack of stepping up for myself, an insecure, vindictive female boss and the relative charm and smarts of my male co-workers (whom I don't blame) kept me from rising the ranks faster. It sucks to have to admit that I played a part in how hard my career has been. At any rate, I spent many years there frustrated but unable to get a job elsewhere. When I was finally denied my latest promotion, and told to my face in so many words that they knew I was totally capable of handling the job but they were going with someone else, I quit.
It was a great feeling.
Of course I did have another job lined up which gave me the promotion I deserved.
And I was SO excited. My own optimism still surprises me at times. I couldn't wait to do all the things I had been denied and to be part of a new creative team that was about to embark on a huge project. The timing seemed impeccable.
Then I started the new job. I liked my boss a lot but I couldn't quit seem to get into the groove of his creative sense. It wasn't until later that I realized it was because his creative sense is insane. I quickly learned the big company project was handed to an outside vendor and the internal day to day job seemed way harder than it needed to be, especially because in retrospect I was only doing the work of the position below me. After three months I started to think maybe this wasn't going to get better, the creative process was unstructured, frustrating and not conducive to good work. After another month I realized it was only going to get worse. The directors I worked with still tried to do my job while failing to do their own. It's like having the IT guy standing over your shoulder telling you what to do and then shoving you out of your chair to do it himself but then not really knowing what he's doing so he makes the problem worse. (No offense IT guys, but you know you do it.) By month five I decided to quit and after month six, which will be this coming Friday, I will be set free.
The difference is, aside from the time length, is this time I don't have a job lined up.
I am relying on my reputation (it's a small industry) and my connections to hopefully get me freelance work and the thought of not having a boss, not having to call anyone when I'm sick or having to ask for time off, makes my head spin with excitement. This is what I should have done long ago, but I know it never would have worked had I tried it before. I hate to say it, but it's only because of what I've been through that I have the confidence to go solo. It's thrilling.
I haven't felt this happy in a long time.
As you can probably guess there is no update on the men front. I seem to be unable or unwilling to handle both the professional and personal sides of life when something stressful happens on the work side. I'm hoping though with a change this big in my professional life the stresses I've faced before won't be an issue. There won't be anyone promoted past me or a boss choking my career. AND as a freelancer I'm hoping to be exposed to a lot more people- i.e. to meet a lot more men.
As always time will tell.
